I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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