When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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