you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
