If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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