I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
