I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
ok first of all what the fuck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
