If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
