Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They have beer where we have blood.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
