she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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