well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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