talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
