my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
