Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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