The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
