ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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