Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
