Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
