Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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