I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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