there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
