I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
