He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
