I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
