is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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