Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
