i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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