Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
