Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
