I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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