based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
