Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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