dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i need some magic done to my vagina
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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