I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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