i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
