once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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