hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
