Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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