Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
