why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
