Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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