normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
