A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
