i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
