does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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