Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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