I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
