New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
