So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize