i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
