aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
