She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
