And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
