Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
