After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
