you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
