so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
