We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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