I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
