u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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