Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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