I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
