Your dad touched me again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
