it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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