I wannas sexs uuuuu
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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