while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
