I wish I could teleport
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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