Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
