my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
