dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
