May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've blown a few things in my day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
