So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
