I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
