no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
