does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
