I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize