She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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