you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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