what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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