The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
