Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
