Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
