i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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