Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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