every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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