I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
