Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
