Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
