That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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