I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
