We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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