Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
