Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize