going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
