'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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