I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
