fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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